Going Where the Melody Leads…..
Why did it take so long? Do I really want to do this?
By Bernard Suber
Licensed 2020
The path to licensure is unique to each of us. It can be relatively straightforward, move in fits and starts, be a winding journey, filled with personal tragedy, or motivated by spiritual forces you feel but do not see. Our journeys are filled with doubt, exhaustion, confidence, surprise, anger, joy, confusion, and relief. Life happens.
My journey was filled with avoidance and fits and starts. But why? I was an architecture major throughout college and continuously worked in the architecture field for my entire career, yet I did not even begin tracking IDP hours until 10 years into my career. I have served on numerous boards of architecture-centric organizations, held leadership positions in many, and created many architecturally focused programs to serve others. I have been immersed in architecture day after day. Yet it still took me almost 20 years to get licensed.
I admit to being a world-class procrastinator, but that cannot be the sole reason. To lay everything bare, there has always been something internally preventing my full commitment. Do I really want to do this? Is there something else I could be doing? Is this the profession for me? What else would I do? Am I regretting this? Is there an itch I need to scratch? Am I shortchanging the profession? Am I shortchanging myself? Are there commitment issues? Are my expectations too high? Am I not seeing the forest through the trees? Am I the only one that feels like this? What are my actual goals? Is this normal?
Learning to spell architect
Like many of us in the design field, I loved Legos growing up. I always had a complete Lego community – with homes, shops, offices, parks, etc – setup on my desk or somewhere in my room until it was replaced with two turntables, a mixer, and a tape deck, or more specifically, my new love of music. Because of the joy I received from interacting and building with Legos, I was sure I would do something in the building industry when I became an adult. I can’t remember who said it or how old I was but I was told that I should be an architect because that person knew of the Lego cities I built. So that was it, I now knew what I was going to be when I grew up… until one day I was asked to spell ‘Architect’. I did not know how to spell architect and I was told I could not be what I could not spell, so in processing the logic of that statement I changed my chosen career goal to owning my own construction company because I could spell those words.
Several years passed. I didn’t think about architecture again until it was time to take the SAT’s then lo and behold on the form where you could pre-select your major I saw ‘Architecture.’ It was the first time I really remember seeing the word ‘Architecture’ and it resonating with me. I filled in the oval next to ‘Architecture’ and now I was back on my path to becoming an architect.
College: Hanging out with my clients
I was awarded a scholarship to attend Florida A&M University as an architecture major. I arrived on campus full of curiosity but literally no knowledge of architecture, the career, or curriculum. Let’s just say an architecture curriculum was different from anything I had experienced before. Conception of space, presentation skills, the ability to take critique and process it, along with knowing when enough was enough, were all skills we had to develop or refine in school and continue to refine as we practice. This was a challenge coming from a traditional academic background where so much is right or wrong with little room in between.
I had a lot of ups and a whole lot of downs in school. I lost my scholarship twice, with both times having to present action plans to our dean and the president of the university on how I would get my grades back up, along with a letter stating why I should be given another chance. It was an intimidating and humbling experience for someone who has always been in the top 5, if not the top, of whatever class I was in. I will say Dean Wright and Dr. Humphries were firm but very supportive of me and provided some of that tough love with a personal touch many HBCUs are known for.
The second time I lost my scholarship was on a technicality with credit hours that would resolve itself after the next semester – part of the action plan! Now a huge contributor to me getting to the point of losing my scholarship was my severe case of FOMO. I was not going to go all the way to college and not be in the mix. There were not too many social events I missed. I became deeply involved in several on campus organizations and my early love of music grew into me DJing parties throughout my time in school. When I would leave the architecture building, classmates and professors would ask where I was going and I would say, “I’m going to hang out with my clients,” which kind of had a kernel of truth to it. These divided interests, though fulfilling, led to time management challenges and to moments of me questioning if I was going in the right direction as I became more intrigued with some of the majors my peers were in.
Another challenge that pushed my resolve came up during my last semester for my terminal B.Arch project. I simply tried to put too much into my terminal project from the incorporation of multiple themes, my hometown of Philadelphia’s subway system, to a building demonstrating my technical knowledge, to overarching social commentary. By the time the final crit came around I had all of my precedents, research, drawings (which included 2 – SIX FOOT long HAND DRAFTED sections), but no model. I still presented but was told I needed to meet all of the deliverable requirements and would be receiving an ‘I’ for incomplete for the class and would need to present again at the end of summer per university policy. I could still walk for graduation the next week but technically would only be receiving the 4-year Bachelor of Science and would receive my B.Arch after I presented again.
I was saddened but I understood and was prepared for that scenario. I left my things in studio with the intention of working on my model there. I still had to study for the rest of my finals, which I did for the week leading up to graduation. However, after graduation, the studio was cleaned out. I lost everything, most importantly my drawings, which were all hand-drawn (yes the two SIX FOOT sections included). I had some work here and there and some things could be reprinted but I was totally dejected.
At the time, I was told I could present again before the week was out because grades would not be finalized until then, talk about a cruel twist of fate. I reprinted what I could, built my model, and tried to muster some drawings, but this time the reviewers were unimpressed with the lack of drawings, despite of, the fact that my previous work was trashed. Completing everything in time for the end of the summer session, as per the usual policy, was still on the table, but mentally, I was exhausted. I packed up and got ready to move back to Philly, with the intention of coming back at the end of the summer to present again. Some things don’t go as planned.
Landing a job
When I got back to Philadelphia, I decompressed for a while. When doing nothing quickly became unsustainable, I got a job with a T-shirt manufacturer while I refined my portfolio and resume. I spent that summer writing letters and cold-calling firms inquiring about available positions. While I was doing this, summer was quickly moving by and I hadn’t even bothered to work on my terminal B.Arch project. The desire to do it just was not there. As I received callbacks from firms, my ‘I’ was in the process of changing into an ‘F.’ So long Bachelor of Architecture degree. As I was preparing for my interviews, I became so nervous about what my lack of a B.Arch would mean for my chances. In the big picture, it was not a big deal, but, to me, it felt like a dirty little secret I had to keep or selectively share.
During that first interview, my degree never came up nor did the principal look through my portfolio (which I revised!). He opened the first page, turned to the index, then grabbed my resume, took out a pen, and told me to tell him the story of my life. “My life?” “Yes” “Where should I start?” “Wherever you want.” It was the least traditional interview I ever had, but it led to my first job.
As I did in school, I became deeply immersed in several volunteer organizations such as the Philadelphia chapter of NOMA, teaching architecture to high school students in an after-school program, coaching, and playing in several basketball and softball leagues. I also continued to DJ, produce mixtapes, and do graphics for a friend’s clothing line. I was getting involved with the Philly nightlife scene but wanted to get more involved. There were even times I wanted to get laid off so I could focus more of my time on music; youthful rationalization is not always the best. During this time licensure was not a priority for me at all, and I questioned if this was the profession for me on several occasions despite having overwhelmingly positive experiences. What I did not do was take the time to really think about what I wanted to do in life. I took an idea from my youth but did not revisit it as I got older and imagine how life would be. I was doing what I thought I should be doing and living in the moment. These were the times the shiny new thing became my new interest.
A few years later, my former advisor became the dean of our architecture program. He reached out to me to tell me about a new program tailored for people like me who were working but still needed to finish their B.Arch requirements. Work would be done remotely and I would only have to be in studio about once every three weeks. I would take off a Friday from work, fly to Tallahassee at 7:00am, then return to Philadelphia on the 5:00pm flight. I finally got my Bachelor of Architecture Degree so licensure was right around the corner.
Not so fast.
IDP
With all of my activities, I never made it a priority to get my IDP started, I knew I should but it wasn’t a priority for me for some reason. I relocated to DC in 2005 and became more engaged with the DC chapter of NOMA. As I became older, I started to see some of the limitations I would have by not being licensed, and the ‘encouragement’ from several NOMA members became louder. However, the big motivator to getting my IDP done was the decision in 2010 by NCARB to limit how much of your past experience would count in the next iteration of IDP. If I did not document my hours now, then 10 years of work experience would be wiped out and I would have to start from zero. If that was the case, I definitely would not even bother with trying to get my license. Being a packrat has its advantages at times, and, fortunately, I had my old timesheets from my first employer and a good relationship with them. Between my former job and current one, I was able to document my hours and I fulfilled my IDP requirement before the deadline cutoff, so licensure was on its way.
Again, not so fast.
The next challenge was time. There was a palpable sense of relief and accomplishment completing IDP and getting the notification that I was eligible to test. I relaxed. At this time, I was president of the local DC chapter of NOMA. In addition to monthly programming, we had an awards program, started a scholarship program, and I started a summer camp program called the East of the River Career Exposure Camp. I also continued to DJ fairly regularly and served on the board for a DC public charter high school. Needless to say, my hands were pretty full, and when I didn’t have any activities going on I chose to relax and recharge my batteries. Years passed by and I still did not make studying for the exam a priority.
FOMO, again
So what changed and made me finally sit down and sign-up for my first exam? Getting older, some career stagnation, realizing that I really would not be as attractive a candidate for employment without my license, the limitations I would have in owning a practice, and not being able to do certain projects for friends all the way through were all factors. I’ve turned down a lot of work because I wasn’t licensed. I reached that personal frustration point.
Another factor, that may seem a little childish but definitely bruised my ego some, was that people stopped asking me when I was going to take my exams. Many members of the NOMA family, and that’s what they are to me, who were always on me about taking the AREs stopped asking me about them. I saw newer members come in, get acknowledgment and praise for passing the ARE’s, and become the apple of the organization’s eye. In my mind, I was once one of those bright shining lights with the future in front of them. Was I becoming just a guy? I wanted some of that love and attention back, lol. Along with the realities of the turning point of where I was at in my career, my FOMO and ego motivated me. How about that, a little vanity did the trick.
My experience taking the exams, I think, was similar to many others. It took me a little more than two and half years with several lulls in studying, and there were two exams I had to take over. The last one, PDD, of course, took the longest. I had to retake it twice and that took 14 months for that test alone. I took my last exam in December of 2019 and when the preliminary test results said PASS, or more like we believe you have passed but don’t get too excited just yet, I did not know how to act. It was finally done. It was a feeling of joy, relief, and what now? A few days later the results became official and the weight, that I didn’t realize was there, was lifted from my shoulders.
This was a cumulative process but I also found that when I did slow down and self-reflect, I had to prioritize myself more than I had done before in order to continue fully serving people. I believe we all have our individual motivations that are as varied as we are. Whatever it is that gets you to start taking the exams, you will have my full support. I just recommend that you start, and work to finish, sooner than later so you won’t ask yourself ‘why did it take so long?’
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Images:
DJ at work